Goodbye Ruby
My little puppy Ruby died today. You can never really be prepared to lose a loved one, and the sting of death is the worst. Why bother loving when it just gets taken away from you? What bothers me the most is I have been building a 6' privacy fence because the dogs would just climb over the old wire one and get out all the time. I was ONE DAY from completing the new fence. Sunday I had it done. Saturday she disappeared. I spent all day Saturday driving around looking for her, yelling for her, etc.
Anyhow I better start from the beginning. I got up Saturday and noticed 3 dogs were gone. Arnold, Honey and Ruby. Arnold is the big one and must have knocked down the temp walls I had made where the last of the fence was yet to be completed. Since I had to remove the old wire fence and replace it with new wooden fence, There was always a spot that was unsecure where the old fence was spooled up and the new fence ended. I'd baracade it with boards and bricks and stuff, but the storm or Arnold knocked it down and they were gone.
I got in the truck and drove around, asking neighbors if they had seen them, and people outside in the neighborhood. Finally I expanded my search and found Arnold and Honey on the highway. Ruby wasn't with them. I got them in the truck and took them home. I went back and after 3 hours I found Ruby on a pretty busy road. I stopped traffic with my truck, jumped out called her name and she took off running. I ran after her but there was a field with deep weeds and she just disappeared. After seeing cars piling up behind my truck and a minute or so of looking I drove ahead a bit and saw here yet again. Same thing, she ran. She must have been spooked. She was only about 4 months old and had never been on a walk yet so she must have been freaked out. I searched until after 7 pm with no luck. I told people in the area about what had happened, and gave a lady my phone number who lived right near where I saw her last. I figured I had better get the last fence post set before the sun went down, I didn't want any more dogs lost.
So I ran home tore the last metal fence post out and then dug the hole and planted the last wooden post and set it in concrete. It was probably record time for a job like that, and I was out looking for Ruby again that night before dusk. No luck. That night at 3am I went to the edge of the field and called for her with a whistle sound I make.
Sunday I looked for her with no luck. I went home and worked hard on the fence, and put two whole sections up. The lumber company ran out of the pre assembled panels so I just made my own. They look better anyway since I can make the gaps straight and level, and pick out nice straight boards. On breaks I drove looking for Ruby. Nothing. Finally I finished the fence and I made lost puppy posters with her picture on them. My girlfriend and I drove around the country stuffing mailboxes with the posters. Just as we were done with that my phone rings and the lady spotted her in that area again. I floored the truck and got there in under 2 minutes. She disappeared again into the thick weeds. At least she's still alive. My girlfriend went back to get Arnold, I figured maybe we could track her with him. I ran all through the cemetary looking for her with Arnold running full speed. Nothing. Then I formed the plan to get a live animal trap, but the human society was closed until Monday at 2.
I call the police again and they said that someone had called and saw her on that road again. So I was sure we'd catch her in the live animal trap, or at least I felt optimistic that she was staying confined to that one area. I had looked off and on in the morning with no luck. Finally at 2 I go get the trap set it and load with food. On my way home I recall seeing a dead deer on the highway and thought maybe she could smell it and was eating it or something. I then saw her on the highway all splattered. I turned around and got out and looked very carefully at the mess to make sure it was her. It was. I was totally devastated and cried like a baby.
What pisses me off is I had this feeling that something bad was going to happen to the dogs before I got the fence done. Like I knew it all along. I hurried as much as I could though, building a large fence takes a lot of time and work, and there were tree roots and other crap that slowed me down. One day later, and this would have never happened. I also prayed and prayed. I never prayed so much in my life I don't think. Then God hands me a raw deal like that. I mean I DID EVERYTHING to find that little puppy. Any idea that popped into my head I acted on. Yet she still got smashed into nothing on the highway. Usually my prayers are always answered. At least the ones where I really feel it, and feel I really need it. I guess I didn't need 8 dogs, but hey, and 7 is still too many, but I still feel like I was ripped off and that shouldn't have happened.
Why is death so hard to cope with? I know I'll be fine in a day or two, but wow, talk about a huge emotional deal. My girlfriend and I have been wondering what the reason is for this to happen. I mean, they say that everything happens for a reason. Should I have built the fence faster? I mean in order to go faster I'd have had to buy flood lights and work at night or something. I spent ALL my spare time I could on it. I never took a day off unless it was just raining non stop. One day a post hole I dug was totally full of water. I tried shoving dirt in there but it was not happening. So I took maybe 2 or 3 days off.
Back a few months ago the dogs would get out all the time. I let them run the neighborhood. I sort of didn't give a shit. But after I started on the fence that all changed. I took pride in the fact that I did something for them. To keep them safe. So tragic that the day the fence is done it failed its purpose. I mean we were going to celebrate and this whole death just took all the wind out of my sails. I feel like it was all for nothing or something. Like even if you kick ass, you get screwed. I guess I should be happy I still have 7 dogs who all love me. But Ruby was one of my favorites. Honestly I'd have to rank her in the top 3 probably. She was such a lovable good little dog. It just kills me to have done everything I could and then she still got flattened, where a while back I let em run wild and they were fine, they always came back. So when I do care, I lose something I love? I mean we had planned on selling all these last puppies, they were a total accident. But day by day I fell in love with the little thing, she was such a fun loving little dog. We basically decided to keep her and then something like this happens.
Anyway, why am I blogging about this? I guess writing helps me cope with stress. I feel like I'm getting a lot off my chest. I wish I understood things better. Heck I think I met jesus in a car crash when I was younger, ( I was revived obviously) and I know there is something after death. But this was just wrong. I felt like it shouldn't have happened. Yet I had a feeling it was coming. I wanted to be the hero for my girlfriend. The guy who built the fence and kicked ass for the dogs she loves so much. No my glory and the little sweet puppy are now gone forever. Its like why bother? I guess I've had a REALLY good run of decent luck the last year and a half or so. So I should have expected something bad was eventually going to happen. I mean seriously life has been improving a lot.
One message I got from this whole thing is I should really just slow down and appreciate my kids and loved ones more, and the animals I do have. Death is such a shitty teacher. It doesn't give you any second chances. So one thing I want to do from this is just really love and protect whats important in my life. That is something I've BEEN doing, but I guess not enough. At least I know in my heart I did everything I could to save that puppy. I didn't even list half the things I did, this read is too long the way it is. Anyhow, I'll get over it. It was just a taxing 3 days. At least I found her, and got closure on this whole thing.
I'll be starting to renovate my rental soon. Stay tuned.
Anyhow I better start from the beginning. I got up Saturday and noticed 3 dogs were gone. Arnold, Honey and Ruby. Arnold is the big one and must have knocked down the temp walls I had made where the last of the fence was yet to be completed. Since I had to remove the old wire fence and replace it with new wooden fence, There was always a spot that was unsecure where the old fence was spooled up and the new fence ended. I'd baracade it with boards and bricks and stuff, but the storm or Arnold knocked it down and they were gone.
I got in the truck and drove around, asking neighbors if they had seen them, and people outside in the neighborhood. Finally I expanded my search and found Arnold and Honey on the highway. Ruby wasn't with them. I got them in the truck and took them home. I went back and after 3 hours I found Ruby on a pretty busy road. I stopped traffic with my truck, jumped out called her name and she took off running. I ran after her but there was a field with deep weeds and she just disappeared. After seeing cars piling up behind my truck and a minute or so of looking I drove ahead a bit and saw here yet again. Same thing, she ran. She must have been spooked. She was only about 4 months old and had never been on a walk yet so she must have been freaked out. I searched until after 7 pm with no luck. I told people in the area about what had happened, and gave a lady my phone number who lived right near where I saw her last. I figured I had better get the last fence post set before the sun went down, I didn't want any more dogs lost.
So I ran home tore the last metal fence post out and then dug the hole and planted the last wooden post and set it in concrete. It was probably record time for a job like that, and I was out looking for Ruby again that night before dusk. No luck. That night at 3am I went to the edge of the field and called for her with a whistle sound I make.
Sunday I looked for her with no luck. I went home and worked hard on the fence, and put two whole sections up. The lumber company ran out of the pre assembled panels so I just made my own. They look better anyway since I can make the gaps straight and level, and pick out nice straight boards. On breaks I drove looking for Ruby. Nothing. Finally I finished the fence and I made lost puppy posters with her picture on them. My girlfriend and I drove around the country stuffing mailboxes with the posters. Just as we were done with that my phone rings and the lady spotted her in that area again. I floored the truck and got there in under 2 minutes. She disappeared again into the thick weeds. At least she's still alive. My girlfriend went back to get Arnold, I figured maybe we could track her with him. I ran all through the cemetary looking for her with Arnold running full speed. Nothing. Then I formed the plan to get a live animal trap, but the human society was closed until Monday at 2.
I call the police again and they said that someone had called and saw her on that road again. So I was sure we'd catch her in the live animal trap, or at least I felt optimistic that she was staying confined to that one area. I had looked off and on in the morning with no luck. Finally at 2 I go get the trap set it and load with food. On my way home I recall seeing a dead deer on the highway and thought maybe she could smell it and was eating it or something. I then saw her on the highway all splattered. I turned around and got out and looked very carefully at the mess to make sure it was her. It was. I was totally devastated and cried like a baby.
What pisses me off is I had this feeling that something bad was going to happen to the dogs before I got the fence done. Like I knew it all along. I hurried as much as I could though, building a large fence takes a lot of time and work, and there were tree roots and other crap that slowed me down. One day later, and this would have never happened. I also prayed and prayed. I never prayed so much in my life I don't think. Then God hands me a raw deal like that. I mean I DID EVERYTHING to find that little puppy. Any idea that popped into my head I acted on. Yet she still got smashed into nothing on the highway. Usually my prayers are always answered. At least the ones where I really feel it, and feel I really need it. I guess I didn't need 8 dogs, but hey, and 7 is still too many, but I still feel like I was ripped off and that shouldn't have happened.
Why is death so hard to cope with? I know I'll be fine in a day or two, but wow, talk about a huge emotional deal. My girlfriend and I have been wondering what the reason is for this to happen. I mean, they say that everything happens for a reason. Should I have built the fence faster? I mean in order to go faster I'd have had to buy flood lights and work at night or something. I spent ALL my spare time I could on it. I never took a day off unless it was just raining non stop. One day a post hole I dug was totally full of water. I tried shoving dirt in there but it was not happening. So I took maybe 2 or 3 days off.
Back a few months ago the dogs would get out all the time. I let them run the neighborhood. I sort of didn't give a shit. But after I started on the fence that all changed. I took pride in the fact that I did something for them. To keep them safe. So tragic that the day the fence is done it failed its purpose. I mean we were going to celebrate and this whole death just took all the wind out of my sails. I feel like it was all for nothing or something. Like even if you kick ass, you get screwed. I guess I should be happy I still have 7 dogs who all love me. But Ruby was one of my favorites. Honestly I'd have to rank her in the top 3 probably. She was such a lovable good little dog. It just kills me to have done everything I could and then she still got flattened, where a while back I let em run wild and they were fine, they always came back. So when I do care, I lose something I love? I mean we had planned on selling all these last puppies, they were a total accident. But day by day I fell in love with the little thing, she was such a fun loving little dog. We basically decided to keep her and then something like this happens.
Anyway, why am I blogging about this? I guess writing helps me cope with stress. I feel like I'm getting a lot off my chest. I wish I understood things better. Heck I think I met jesus in a car crash when I was younger, ( I was revived obviously) and I know there is something after death. But this was just wrong. I felt like it shouldn't have happened. Yet I had a feeling it was coming. I wanted to be the hero for my girlfriend. The guy who built the fence and kicked ass for the dogs she loves so much. No my glory and the little sweet puppy are now gone forever. Its like why bother? I guess I've had a REALLY good run of decent luck the last year and a half or so. So I should have expected something bad was eventually going to happen. I mean seriously life has been improving a lot.
One message I got from this whole thing is I should really just slow down and appreciate my kids and loved ones more, and the animals I do have. Death is such a shitty teacher. It doesn't give you any second chances. So one thing I want to do from this is just really love and protect whats important in my life. That is something I've BEEN doing, but I guess not enough. At least I know in my heart I did everything I could to save that puppy. I didn't even list half the things I did, this read is too long the way it is. Anyhow, I'll get over it. It was just a taxing 3 days. At least I found her, and got closure on this whole thing.
I'll be starting to renovate my rental soon. Stay tuned.
posted by Joel Huenink at
1:15 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home